


The Year After

by QueenOfCarrotFlowers



Series: Carrot's Romance Fics [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catholicism, F/M, Marriage, More properly, No Pregnancy, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, Weddings, post-priestlo, priestlo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/pseuds/QueenOfCarrotFlowers
Summary: Father Ben decides to leave the church. A short story about what happens after.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Carrot's Romance Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801348
Comments: 55
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd because I just wanted to get it out of me.

"Father?"

"Rey. I'm sorry, I know it's late, but may I come in?"

It is late, it's almost 11pm and Rey is already dressed for bed, but Father Ben is upset, on the verge of tears, so she lets him in and settles him in the armchair by the window before she excuses herself to make tea. She toys with the silver cross she wears around her neck while she waits for the kettle to boil.

His hands shake around the mug, which seems tiny in his large hands.

"I'm leaving the Church," he says.

The words are final and shocking, but Rey is not entirely surprised. She'd known that the priest had been struggling with his faith but she hadn't known it was so serious. As he cries into her shoulder, mourning his childhood beliefs and his future, she rubs his back and says a prayer, hoping that God will hear it, even if Ben doesn't believe in Him any more.

"Thank you, Rey," Ben says, on his way out the door at nearly 3am. "You're the first person I told. I feel much better now. Lighter."

"Good luck with the bishop. You'll text me after?"

"Of course." He pauses, hand on the doorknob, and says quietly, "I don't think I've told you, but you're my best friend right now. I'm so glad I know you."

They had spent a lot of time together at the church; Rey volunteered as much as she could, preferring the bustle of the church to her empty, lonely apartment, or her boring and tedious job. One of the things she enjoyed most about the church was being around Father Ben. He was tacitern and serious, but there was something about him that made Rey feel safe. Even so she hadn't realized that Father Ben considered her a friend. The thought makes her feel warm and strange. She thinks about it long after he leaves, and calls in sick to work the next day.

Rey helps Ben move out of the rectory and into a small apartment closer to downtown. It's a tiny thing, in the attic of a law firm that used to be a house. Very different from the rectory, a large stone house attached to the church that always reminded Rey of a little castle, but Ben is comfortable there. He smiles more than he used to, laughs at Rey's stupid jokes and tells some of his own. He looks strange to Rey, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt instead of his starched black uniform and white collar, but she could get used to it.

She gets used to it, to his new uniform. She misses him at church, although she likes the new priest well enough, a small old man who is quick to laugh and likes to speak in riddles. Eventually gossip about Father Ben's departure dies down, and blessedly nobody seems inclined to blame Rey for it, although the ladies in the alter guild smirk at her after one of them runs into her and Ben standing on the sidewalk outside his new apartment on a Wednesday afternoon.

He has a small trust fund, she learns, but his plan is to set up an online calligraphy business, making printed cards and doing original work. His work is exquisite; he'd used to make covers for church bulletins sometimes, so Rey was aware of the talent, but with time and stress that talent had blossomed into something truly special. She helps him set up his website, and agrees to let him pay her when he insists.

One Saturday afternoon, three months after his late night announcement, he invites her over to see his most recent work. He blushes as she praises his designs. He blushes again later in the evening when he finally kisses her. His lips are soft and tentative but exactly as sweet as Rey thought they would be, and she smiles against them as she kisses him back. She follows his lead, not pushing too hard, although later when she's alone in bed she allows her imagination to go where it will. Just before she slips into sleep she says a little prayer, she doesn't think it could hurt.

Ben's business is a success, and he invites Rey over for dinner to celebrate his first major completed contract. After dessert they make love, on his mattress tucked under the eaves. It's Ben's first time, but he's a natural. He breathes her name into her neck when she comes, and she thinks she's never felt so close to God.

He tells her he loves her on Christmas Eve, and she cries, even though she'd known. She can't even remember a time before she loved him, and when she tells him that he turns red and carries her to bed. It's one of her more memorable Christmases.

They get married in the Spring, at a farmhouse by the river, just outside of town. People from church come, and some of Ben's regular clients. Their friend Finn, a local artist who also teaches at the University, gets ordained online so he can officiate the wedding. In the days leading up to it they stay up late, laughing and crying as they write their own vows. They laugh and cry during the ceremony, too. Rey thinks it's perfect, and from the expression on Ben's face at the end of the day, he thinks it was perfect too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the same thing from Ben's pov, probably unnecessary but I wanted to write it.

Father Ben Solo reaches two realizations at exactly the same time.

It's Sunday morning, and he stayed up late the night before working on his homily. It's about Paul the Apostle, who was called Saul and who persecuted followers of Christ before he met the risen Lord himself on the road to Damascus, converted, and became a leader in the early church. The story of Paul's conversion has long been one of Ben's favorite stories, although this year it rings hollow. But he's a professional, and he's got his robes on and is glancing over his notes when someone rushes up to where he stands leaning against the wall, waiting for the acolytes to line up.

"Father, your stole is crooked." It's Rey Johnson, one of the most active volunteers - she's helping with the acolytes this morning - and Ben can't help but smile. "May I?" She holds out her hands and tilts her head, and he nods and lowers his arms so she can tug one side of the stole over to even out the ends. She pats his shoulder and then she's off, corralling the acolytes with her usual joyful competence. He's still watching her when she slips out to join the congregation; she catches his eye and gives him a smile and a wave, and he feels like he's been given a gift.

It's in the middle of the homily when it happens. He's explaining how they all have a bit of Saul in them, and they need to recognize the risen Lord when they see him, accept him into their hearts and become their own Pauls, when his eyes fall to Rey. She's listening, nodding, clearly moved by the words. The first realization hits Ben like a ton of bricks: He doesn't believe a word he's saying, and he hasn't for a while. The second realization follows quickly, a second punch that under other circumstances would bring him to his knees, but which here, in this public space, merely trips him up, causes him to pause to take a sip from the plastic cup of water that Rey thoughtfully left on the little shelf under the pulpit. 

He's in love with Rey Johnson.

Ben spends the next week praying, late nights in the church calling to God and not receiving anything in response. It's happened quickly but he can't bear it for more than a few days, and by Thursday he's made his decision. He goes to Rey first, because he doesn't know where else to go. She's his only friend, the only person he can bear to talk to about his loss of faith. She's heard him talk about his doubts before, and she's been sympathetic. When he shows up at her house unannounced and far too late she's sweet, as always. She makes him tea and listens to what he has to say, and she holds him while he cries. 

He doesn't tell her about the other part. That's his problem, not hers, and he can't bear to burden her with his own guilt. 

Over the next few months Rey proves herself a true friend. On the day Ben moves out of the rectory she's there, dressed comfortably in jeans and a tee shirt - her ubiquitous silver cross hanging delicately between her breasts - and she helps him carry boxes of books and clothes out to the van. He tells her about his plan to start a calligraphy business and she's interested, insists that he tell her about the inks and the pens, how he learned in high school and continued through seminary, how he'd loved designing the church bulletins when he had the opportunity. She offers to set up his website, and he agrees, but only if he can pay her. He tells her that her time is worth it.

He finally kisses her, and he never wants to stop.

The calligraphy business is surprisingly successful, and after his first big contract is completed and the check clears, Ben invites Rey over to celebrate. He makes steak and potatoes and roasted asparagus, nothing special but Rey devours it as though it's the most delicious thing she's ever eaten. They have raspberry tart for dessert, and then Ben leads Rey to his mattress under the eaves and they undress each other. He hadn't planned on it, exactly, although he'd done some research. He'd hoped. He weeps a bit when it's over, but Rey weeps too and he decides that was probably okay.

He tells her he loves her on Christmas Eve, just before he slips the ring onto her finger. She says that she loves him too, that she's somehow always loved him, and he carries her to bed and keeps her up all night. By the time the sun comes up on Christmas Day Rey is boneless and fast asleep, and Ben feels more satisfied and fulfilled than on any other Christmas morning in his life.

They marry in May because neither of them see any reason to wait. Rey looks perfect; she wears a yellow sundress and carries a bouquet of daisies and she looks like a dream. Their friend Finn performs the ceremony, and they laugh and cry as they repeat the vows they wrote together. By the time the sun goes down it's just Rey and Ben there by the river, and Ben kisses his new wife again, and he knows that he's exactly where he's supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> This story does not take place in the same universe as [The Dixorcist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22730113) but it would be kinda funny if it did.


End file.
